I just finished reading The Elfish Gene: Dungeons, Dragons and Growing up Strange by Mark Barrowcliffe. My wife got me this book as a father’s day gift and I was touched because she would have had to put some thought into this gift, and instead of avoiding my annoying nerd hobby she choose to cater to it. The book follows the author’s life as a gamer from his first sweet hit of Dungeons and Dragons at the age of 11 and through the subsequent years of his full on addiction with RPGs, and ending with his recovery in his twenties. Overall, I found the book to be a really enjoyable read as it was like falling into a nostalgia pit. The author while reflecting on his youth conveys ambivalence towards his once all consuming immersion into the world of fantasy and gaming as he felt that it stunted other aspects of his social development. The areas where he felt were most adversely affected (and not surprisingly) was in talking to girls and the inability to fit in with the rest of the herd which can be quite painful in youth.
The author wasn’t just into fantasy; he wanted it to desperately to be real, from attempting to incorporate more Tolkienesque garb into his look (picture him wearing a homemade cape as a teenager) to pretending his bike was the famous steed Shadowfax, to relating and viewing all things in everyday life through a D&D lens (i.e. is that girl who seems interested a possible dryad trying to trap me). For those in the world who are not drawn to fantasy probably can’t understand this desire for it to be real. It is hard to explain how it just sings to you, whether through expressing and gratifying internal conflicts and dynamics or a defence against the boredom, grind, and powerlessness inherent to some degree in real life. The title of the book is apt as sometimes it does feel like your just hardwired differently.
The author’s nerd career and mine run some close parallels, despite his having six or seven years on me, which I think was what truly drew me into the book. He got his start in the biz with Lord of Rings and OD&D while mine was Lord of the Rings and Red Box D&D. We both branched out into Moorcock and Leiber and other RPG’s. His descriptions of his characters and their adventures reminded me how as children we would cheat/bend the rules to ensure that the idealized and projected versions of ourselves were truly powerful from ability stats to magic items. Like how my martial characters always seemed to have an 18 strength, and that somehow it seemed more believable in a self-rationalized way that it was an 18(94) instead of 18(00), or that most of my characters seemed to miraculously have psionic ability (a role of 00 on the old d100 every time). How did my paladin at early levels manage to acquire +5 plate mail, a +5 ring of protection, and of course a +5 Holy Avenger? Cut me a break I was only 11. In fairness, Aragorn (I know how original) slew a lot of monsters in our home games with me as the DM and he as the only PC, there was no way I was going to let him out in the adventuring world with others where he might face real dangers or a maniac DM (I was unaware of the amulet against chaotic DM that the author and his group used) as he was mostly for show and a looming threat that I could at any moment unleash.
My experience with fantasy and gaming, in terms social development, were different as I was good at sports and was able to mingle with girls a little more effectively and so was able to blend into the different clique worlds of the adolescent better, although I had enough internal angst to spare. My gaming group were also similar and not the motley crew of nerdley proportions that he seemed to inevitably roll with over the years. However, I have played and DM’d at the local game store and so have a good sense of what he is talking about. I highly recommend this book, particularly for old-school gamers, as it not only offers great nostalgia but a fairly sweet and humorous and sometimes painful look at the struggles that individuals face in forming an identity and negotiating relationships as they transition into adulthood.
Glad you liked the book! It means a lot when fellow gamers like it. I’ve, of course, been drawn back in since writing it and have even now have a fantasy novel out under a pen name!
I think I was a little hard on D&D, in retrospect, and I hope that if the book ever goes to another edition then I’ll get the chance to mellow the first and last chapters a bit.
Thanks again.
Mark
Hey Mark thanks for your comment. I don’t think you were that hard on D&D, although I can see where you might have taken some heat from other gamers. I didn’t take it as a slight against the game or personalize it, as you were speaking more to your own experience and I am pretty cool with who I am and what I do as not to feel threatened or devalued by criticism of something I like and enjoy. Besides your fondness for the game and RPG’s comes through in your writing, particularly the games you and “Billy” used to have.
I am glad you are gaming again but surprised it took you this long to get back at it. For people like us you can’t be writing and thinking about D&D let alone writing a fantasy novel without getting the cravings. That’s what brought me back in, I listened to a D&D podcast and it was all over.
What game system are you playing? I thought it was cool you played some Runequest in your day, loved that game. Also why use a pen name for your new book? I am looking forward to reading it, but it is not in the stores here in Toronto yet despite the release date.
Jason
I love fantasy, but I’ve never seen my life through a “D&D lens”, wanted it to be real (especially if I was… a peasant or average guard lol), or dressed up (beyond times when you should be in costume). That’s the kind of stuff sounds crazy to me and imo it gives D&D a bad name (and the lame/geek stereotypes and funny internet pictures).
I’ve also had no problem relating to others, no problems with girls, and I was into (playing) sports (not that sports make you “cool”, maybe the opposite). Maybe I’m not a D&D geek? I don’t know, all of my friends were like this also.
And unlike the author, I think D&D helped all of my friends in some way. First of all, it kept us out of trouble (my best friend in grade 7 became a drug lord). It also inspired imagination, inspired improvement, taught us we’d succeed at our goals (most of the time).
We’re all successful engineers, tech guys, business leaders, and we’re all university graduates (sometimes with post bachelor degrees), so we must have done something right! And the author wrote a book, which the Average Joe never does. Maybe if he “followed the herd”, he’d be at a completely different place in his life?
I also think that it was better than our fantasy outlet back then was D&D, as opposed to video games (like World of Warcraft) like it is now. Pen and paper D&D actually helped you develop writing skills, basic math skills, imagination, and some social skills (being a dick will haunt you, unlike being a dick in an MMO).
>>viewing all things in everyday life through a D&D lens (i.e. is that girl who seems interested a
>>possible dryad trying to trap me)
I think I’ve found the source of his problem with girls!
But seriously, blaming his problem with girls on D&D is as lame as “the authorities” blaming some teenager’s homocidal tendencies on video games, D&D, or too much heavy metal music. In retrospect, we can see how incorrect this view (which was common in the 80s) really is now, especially with the prevalence of Harry Potter and various fantasy movies and video games. I think he would have been nerdy, uncomfortable socially, and awkward with women with or without D&D.
I think you are who you are, no matter what your entertainment outlet might be. Just be thankful that you had an outlet that caters to who you really are instead of being forced to be something you aren’t.
PS. Yikes, the author is on your blog, what the hell! Mike, I hope you don’t take offense at my comments. I also do NOT think you should revise your book. The book was written when you were in a certain state of mind, even if that has changed now, and sometimes the original is better left untouched (think Star Wars). Maybe just change the foreword and people will understand.
Yah man, I think we have had similar experiences when it comes to gaming and who we gamed with. I never really blurred those lines between fantasy and reality any more than an 11 year-old with an active imagination does at the time. I think, at least for me, that fantasy is best left for the imagination and visualization in the minds eye as a way of bringing the game or a novel to life for you (not wearing a cape), and not at a cost or defense against your functioning and investment in the real word. Besides, if I was in a fantasy setting I would probably be a guard or serf, and more likely to die of a cold or dysentery than storming Mordor lol.
I think what the author somewhat concluded was that the struggles he and his group had were more based on their insecurities, social awkwardness, and personality dynamics, but that the hobby tends to attract and appeal to individuals like this. I think that there is a validity to this, as I have been to some RPGA events, but I would agree that it is a negative stereotype and not at all representative, and unfortunately may dissuade some from playing. Besides geek is sheik nowadays. It’s funny because when I tell some people I play DnD they are baffled, laugh and can’t believe it. I like being iconoclastic
. I sent my blog link to a friend and collegue I went to graduate school with and he was like “yah. This isn’t your blog”. I was like that’s me and my kid on the header. He was like “no”.
I would also agree that DnD as a hobby for youth is great as it has so much to offer in comparison to video games. I am always struck by kids and teenagers today when I work with them that they don’t know how to play and have little imagination, like without a video game they can’t conceive how to entertain themselves. Video games (and I have played lots of video games so I am not anti video game) are just so passive in a lot of ways, not active and engaging like DnD was and is.
If you haven’t read the book I would recommend it just for the old school DnD references and talk, and the story is pretty funny.
“…the hobby tends to attract and appeal to individuals like this. I think that there is a validity to this, as I have been to some RPGA events, but I would agree that it is a negative stereotype and not at all representative,”
My God, the majority of gamers (of the DnD sort) that I’ve met fit into the negative stereotype. Those that don’t fit the stereotype tend to hide the fact that they play DnD. And I can see why the author would say that his social skills were adversely affected by this hobby, though it doesn’t imply causality.
What I like about tabletop DnD is that you’re still actually getting together with a group of friends, as opposed to playing an MMO video game.
are you saying your play with a bunch of stinking nerds
. most of the people I have played with don’t fit the stereotype, now RPGA events I think your looking at 70:30 split with heavy nerd stereotype. i think things have changed a little with 4th edition due to the penny arcade and robot chicken podcast, with the newer players i see joining up. I never hid my hobbies gaming or comics i never really took much flack, but I was 6’2 in highschool with a shaved head and played a lot of sports….so it just made me more eccentric than nerdy 
.
hey they put out a sort of sequel to The Gamers, called The Gamers: Dorkness Rising, have you seen it? I ma thinkning of buying it, the last one that you lent me made me really laugh. i even used one of the lines at when \i\ was playing at the gamestore when a new player joined halfway through the adventure in the middle of a dungeon. I said “you seem completely trustworthy, welcome to the party”
Hmmm… last Gencon I went too, I’d say most people at my tables were fairly normal. But then again other tables, that wasn’t the case. There were some FREAKS, but I don’t think of them as geeks, you know what I mean. More scary than geeky.
But by far, mostly normal. Maybe I am non-judgemental.
I don’t hide that I play D&D, but I don’t go out of my way to tell everyone either. Maybe I should hide it sometimes, because I have to come out swinging sometimes. People judge. For example, one of my brothers friends classified us as her “cool friends” and we went from cool to uncool after we said we were playing. lol. But I really don’t give a s**t what people think, glad she’s not my friend. We’re 35 and people still think that way, *shakes head*.
my favorite is the hypocrisy, like looking down on someone else’s hobby without any kind of reflection about their own hobbies or life, so kettle calling the pot black. like my friend that was making fun of me organizes the fantasy football league we are in and pours over draft reports, statistics, watching games looking who to pick up and drop, like he is actually an NFL coach getting upset when he looses, you know but D&D is weird.