I think as Dungeon Masters we are our own worst enemies at times, way worse than any twinked up paladin/warlock hybrid or some snot nosed aspergersish rules lawyer. The problem is our tendency to get all up in our heads and over analyze our games. It can be even worse when multiple DM’s get together and begin to theory craft shit, like some kind of monstrous DM sowing circle. Don’t get me wrong all of this introspection and shootin’ the breeze can be beneficial and help improve your game, it’s just there’s a potential downside to it, namely blowing crap way out of proportion.
Everyone wants to run a good fun game; nobody goes into DM’ing with the goal of sucking the joy from people’s lives or running a game so horrific that it scares people muggle. However, I think we can end up ruminating way too much over such things as whether there is too much plot or too little; too much collaborative story telling or not enough; too much railroad or not enough; are encounters too hard, too long, too short, too easy, are there enough alternative goals; do players choices have enough meaning or too much meaning; is there too little or too much role playing; do my players hate my game; am I a bad DM, am I a horrible person etc…on and on until I want to kick my own ass. I think all of these things are important to consider and when refined can create an enjoyable game experience and patch some bugs. We should probably stop short of a crippling neurotic degree of consideration because for the most part I don’t think players notice or care and are just happy to be playing.
Now for sure there are games with issues both on the DM and player side, some of which can be solved through open communication and some which cannot and seem to represent more of a clash in play styles and personality dynamics. For example, some people just struggle with any kind of perceived authority and act out in subtle or more active ways. Similarly some folks are looking to exert control and dominance for any myriad of reason from feeling an inherent lack of control in their past or present to a gratification derived through dominating others. But by and large I think most games and people fall more in the middle and just enjoy the game, giving wide allowances and tolerance for the ups and downs and limitations of playing make believe.
Take me and my dichotomy of DM and player selves. As a DM I am the ruminator who is waiting for the inevitable player revolt, complete with a bloody coup and burning of me in effigy. While as a player I am the most laid back accepting dude there is. I can find the fun in any play style and am just happy to be gaming. Honestly, the DM could bend me over, burying my face in a pillow, and proceed to railroad the shit out of me and I would still probably find a way to have fun (picture Kevin Bacon in Animal House…”thank you sir, can I have another”). I mean at the end of the day no matter what I can always find joy fighting shit while making dick and fart jokes.
I am beginning to ramble a bit now so maybe it’s a good to time end and sum up: Just relax; don’t sweat it so much, your players are probably having a great time and if all else fails crack a dick joke